Small Places : Nick L Belardes [39 of 128]

• Thirteen.
• Today I'm at work surfing the Internet. What more can I do to take up boredom than to stream mindless media straight onto my desktop?
• The Drudgereport is scamming there's been another shark attack. For some reason I think it might be my ex. Worse things have happened.
• I can imagine my ex on Oprah, sobbing, wearing a fake arm that's Gumby-like and bent to look like she's the victim of the shark kingdom.
• Ex: "I was paddling, stuck in a half circle, trying to get away. I could see my fingers wiggle as he swallowed." And then Oprah would cry.
• I'm feeling dysfunctional. It's a cubicle thing. Confined, I don't feel like I'm helping the collective. I bring my pet tarantula to work.
• The spider’s name is Ms. Barbarella Big Fangs. She’s hairy. She eats crickets. Milt Butterlink sees her and instantly stops at my desk.
• Milt: "You can't bring a spider to work." Me: "It's not real." Milt: "It's real." Me. "It's not real." Milt: "I know it's real."
• Me: "Nope."