Small Places : Nick L Belardes [44 of 128]

• Fourteen.
• The blue-green ocean off the California coast plays like a magical song, beckoning Vishnu. It reflects deep azure in his eyes.
• There is a boyish glow that builds until he suddenly screams joyously from the back of the car: "Ocean! Ocean! Ocean! Ocean!"
• If there is a time that Webmaster meets spirituality in nature, this is the mystical moment. Sadly, there is no mouse for Vishnu to click.
• Near the pier there's a shop that makes the best cinnamon rolls I've ever tasted. The aroma fills the street as we park.
• The aroma inside is perfectly overwhelming. "Four please," I say. Four rolls are placed on plates. Icing is then smeared across the tops.
• "Let the angels dip their heavenly wings in sugar and fat," Mike says. Vishnu: "What are cinnamon rolls?" I set one in front of him.
• "Ah, a pastry treat," Vishnu says. He smiles big as he takes his first bite. Suddenly he looks like he's about to tell a wondrous story.
• Vishnu: "We have such delicacies in India. Picture a soft midnight sky. You're under the most majestic festival lights wrapped in goodness.

Small Places : Nick L Belardes [43 of 128]

• In the meantime, Vishnu does double work maintaining both the old website and the new website that is never launched.
• His eyes slowly cross. Me: "Say, Vish. What do you think about a beach trip?" He gets nervous: "Did you not hear? Shark attack."
• Go figure. He's a web news junky. "They're not going to jump on the beach and bite you." Vishnu: "Oh no?
• I cannot place myself in the path of certain death." Me: "Come on!" Vishnu: "I have seen Luke Skywalker and his war of stars.
• The dark side can rear its head any time to bite off the hand of the unsuspecting.” "Did someone say beach trip?" Mulani says.
• She must already have bags packed somewhere. "Yeah you can bring your husband." I cross the line.
• Mulani is quicker than me: "Oh who needs that bimbo. He's in South America. Besides. I need some fun in the sun with my favorite boys."
• Just then we realize that Kira de Frito has been standing in the cubicle. We don't know how long.
• Her birthmark looks like seagull splatter. I give Kira a slow nod as if I'm communicating with an extraterrestrial.
• She looks like she's about to cry and bolts into a sea of cubicles. Mulani: "Maybe we should invite her."
• Me: "I thought shark attacks were terrifying." Just then Milt passes. He trips on the carpet. Karma.

Small Places : Nick L Belardes [42 of 128]

• Kira: "a..." I speak slow as if to help: "A... what?" But that does no good. She suddenly bolts to Milt's office and slams the door.
• Mike: "What do you think they talk about every time she runs in there?" Me: "Maybe she can't form complete sentences in there either."
• Vishnu walks up and looks at Milt's closed door. "Who's in there?" he says. Mike and I: "Kira de Frito." Vishnu: "Why?"
• Me: "We don't know." And so this is the corporate world: incomplete sentences, mass miscommunication, closed-door meaningless meetings.
• I need a road trip. Vishnu: "Ahh. I need a graphic for our new website that never launches." I feel put out.
• Can't he see I'm surfing the Web and chatting? Along with Buildicon's old website, Vishnu works on a new company
• website that was supposed to be launched a year ago. It’s like the space shuttle. Every time they think they find a loose tile,
• the launch date is scrubbed for six months in order to procrastinate. By the time we launch the new site,
• Buildicon will be ready for a new design on top of the old design and the new design. Vishnu stares.

Small Places : Nick L Belardes [41 of 128]

• I need a road trip with my office pals. I imagine Vishnu has an inflatable tube, Mulani in a bikini and Mike
• with a splatter of nose lotion. I begin to imagine Mulani blowing me kisses, sharing a beach towel, when I notice
• Kira de Frito standing in my personal cubicle space. Kira: “I need a projecta requesta.” Her Brazilian accent is extremely horrible today,
• more so than usual. Her breath is no rain forest. Me: "You have a project?" Kira: "I believe so, jes." Me: "You believe so? OK."
• And then she just stands there. Is she hypnotized? By what? I pray to God I don't have something hanging from my nose like
• Milt Buttlerlink always does. Me: "Kira?" "Jes?" she says. Me: "Kira? I can't read your mind."
• Although I am beginning to think I can see the shape of it outlined by the birthmark on her forehead.
• "I need..." Kira de Frito says. I form words as if speaking for her. I do the eternal slow nod as if to pull words from her lips.

Small Places : Nick L Belardes [40 of 128]

• Milt stares at the spider. It never moves. He waits 10 minutes for it to move. I wait 10 minutes for him to move. It's a move off.
• I twitch. Milt comes back to my desk eight times. I hand him a completed newsletter that's a month late.
• "I'll look at it next week," he says. "Why is there a live cricket in your spider tank?" Milt asks. Me: "For effect.
• It helps make the spider look real." The next day the spider tank is on its side. The lid is off.
• I find Barbarella crawling on Kira de Frito's chair. I think about leaving it. Milt passes my desk.
• He has welts all over his face and neck like he has just wrestled a snake or giant spider. I take Barbarella home.
• Shark attack on a nearby beach. Some surfer was nearly chewed off his board. I click on the video link and see a chomped on surfboard.
• "Yeah broh, I was hangin' it goofy foot by the pier. Shark thought I was seal bait. But I looked into his eyes, and like, whoah, you know?"
• The closest beach is two hours away from this smoggy valley. The water is cold, the jellyfish are as big as people and the ocean is murky.

Small Places : Nick L Belardes [39 of 128]

• Thirteen.
• Today I'm at work surfing the Internet. What more can I do to take up boredom than to stream mindless media straight onto my desktop?
• The Drudgereport is scamming there's been another shark attack. For some reason I think it might be my ex. Worse things have happened.
• I can imagine my ex on Oprah, sobbing, wearing a fake arm that's Gumby-like and bent to look like she's the victim of the shark kingdom.
• Ex: "I was paddling, stuck in a half circle, trying to get away. I could see my fingers wiggle as he swallowed." And then Oprah would cry.
• I'm feeling dysfunctional. It's a cubicle thing. Confined, I don't feel like I'm helping the collective. I bring my pet tarantula to work.
• The spider’s name is Ms. Barbarella Big Fangs. She’s hairy. She eats crickets. Milt Butterlink sees her and instantly stops at my desk.
• Milt: "You can't bring a spider to work." Me: "It's not real." Milt: "It's real." Me. "It's not real." Milt: "I know it's real."
• Me: "Nope."

Small Places : Nick L Belardes [38 of 128]

• Mulani hangs over me. "Nice," she mocks. "And you colored in the lines." Mike shakes his head. "I need a third grader to do it," I admit.
• I need one sentence approved to finalize this month's e-newsletter. It's taken five days to write the stupid sentence. Am I inefficient?
• The problem is, each time I show the sentence to Milt he says the same thing: "It needs some shiny pizzazz. Make it freakin' Hollywood."
• This is technical data. I interviewed two product developers and a tech support engineer. It's not enough. This job is a battle.
• How can Milt expect me to know technical data when I can't even build a paper version with slots in it? And no, I can't color in the lines!
• The tech support office is a nerdy war zone with everyone on a headset solving a wireless protocol automation crisis
• somewhere in the world. I feel like Dan Rather trying to get a story. I say:
• "How does a Radioblast work over Ethernet when running twelve robo-flippers?" I’m ignored by the tech nerds.
• So I determine the only answer I can from the land of high waters: I’ll write the newsletter next month.